The Scene: Hurricane's Diner on Lomas near Washington. We had just spent a good deal of the morning at The Pharmacy, waiting for Asa's new meds* and decided to reward our patience with some comfort food. Our meal was almost finished when the conversation became . . . entertaining. To us, anyway.
M (leafing through the NYT obituary page): This reminds me - you need to get busy and start drafting your obituary. I think you should get a nickname. You could start with 'Michael Asa "DangerMan" Mullins, known to his friends affectionately as 'Michael Asa Mullins.' Like that. Whatcha think?
A: I like the concept - not necessarily that nickname - but yeah.
M: So what would you like for a nickname? Maybe we should take a poll or something.
A: Let's ask these guys (indicating our favorite waitstaff). Hey, what's a good nickname?
W1: I like "The Hammer."
W2: How about "Stormaggedon?"
W3: Or "Baconator?"
M: All good ideas. How about "Flash?"
A: Or "TooTall." I can't decide.
M: We'll figure it out later. Now, for the body of the piece - you should use every possible euphemism for dying. "Steppin' on a rainbow" is one of my favorites. Then there's all the old standbys - passed on, checked out, cashed in your chips, bit the big one, kicked the bucket, keeled over, bit the dust, was snuffed out, turned up your toes, bought the farm, gone to the big sleep, fell off your perch, croaked, gave up the ghost, gone belly up, gone south, gone west, shuffled off this mortal coil, rung down the curtain, joined the Choir Invisible, assumed room temperature, took a dirt nap -
A: Dirt nap. I like that one. The others are okay, too - not that Choir Invisible shit though.
M: What about "gone through the Gates of R'lyeh to be devoured by Cthulu?"
A: That could work.
Now we turn to you guys. What's your favorite nickname? What's your favorite colorful phrase for departing this world? Put your suggestions in the comments section, and they may just appear in Asa's auto-obit!
*Asa's new meds? They're trying him on Ambien. We've heard about some of the more intriguing side effects, so I've hidden his car keys. Good thing his knees are shot - we know if he sleep-walks he won't get far. Can't do much about the sleep-cooking, though. Just hope he doesn't get hungry.