Monday, August 19, 2013

Asa Post: Accept/Deny

Well, I've finally accepted that I can no longer drive the car. Watching Morwyn drive has made me aware that doing most things is becoming too difficult for me. Walking has become a real problem as is sitting, standing, etc. I have to use my walker all the time. The cane is causing my left shoulder and arm to hurt, to the point where I can't sleep or do any thing but sit and rock. Taking just one of my pain pills (oxycodone) makes me sick for 3 or 4 days, and the prescribed anti-nausea drugs don't work. I've stopped using them.

Morwyn here. It feels like there should be something else to say - but for Asa there really isn't. Most of the intolerable pain he's dealing with at this time happens at night, when he lies down to sleep.* We have no way of mitigating this pain. He can't take any OTC stuff - all of them hurt his liver, do little to ease things, and everything to worsen things. We can use topical arthritis creams to ease his joints a bit, sometimes we can use a heating pad or a cold compress. We're going to look into medical marijuana in the coming days, but past experience has conditioned us to expect utter failure there, too. 

But I don't want to leave the impression that every minute of every day is some kind of screaming hell for him. Because it isn't. Like right now. We went out to lunch after I did the errands this morning, and now Asa's propped up on the couch, watching Star Trek: Next Generation with me, snacking on salt-free peanuts, with his ever-faithful cat on his lap. Yesterday we had a friend over to share lunch and a movie with us - and we laughed and had a great time. 

We move slower now, our routine is shifting and changing, and some of it is okay and some of it has us mentally kicking and screaming and maybe never accepting but changing in spite of us all the same.

*An Aside: What the hell is wrong with doctors who refuse to administer higher dosages of sleep or pain medications for terminal patients, saying "I don't want you to become dependent/addicted." 
W. T. F.??!? If he did, it wouldn't be for long! Get REAL!