We learned something valuable when we went to Asa's GP last week. It is this: She didn't mean he could NEVER drive again - just that if he's sleep deprived, he'd be ill advised to try. This news was a nice boost for his personal sense of freedom. He's not [trapped] at home. If he feels up to it - and only he knows when that is - he can drive wherever he'd like. After spending Saturday, Sunday, and part of Monday with me behind the wheel, he took over the driving duties for the final errands on Monday (bank, Target, and Panda Express - with nutrition sheet in hand). This may have been a self-preservation thing on his part.* And he made the run to the pharmacy solo yesterday. This was very cheering. But then, his chronic pain is getting worse and seriously fucking with him. And as much as we really need the rain here in the drought-ridden Southwest, the humidity is killing his joints. So good and bad this week. Mostly bad.
Which seriously fucks with his attitude. I'm not going to say I understand why he's cranky and mopey and hard to talk to so therefore it doesn't affect me. It does affect me. I want to take all that pain away and stop his suffering and I'm powerless here. We are all powerless here. We can't fix the cause of the pain. All we can do is try every sort of palliative care on the planet. He can't do opioids or opiates - too many side effects that are intolerable. Can't do OTC pain relievers as they tear up his stomach lining. Many meds are ruled out since his liver is shot. We tried the capsaicin gel his GP recommended, but even the mildest strength burns the shit out of his skin. The weekly acupuncture treatments are hit or miss - sometimes they help, sometimes they don't. He's been to a pain management clinic and even they can't help him. Maybe the medical marijuana won't help, either - but we've exhausted every other avenue.
We did have a laugh or two this week, in spite of the Bad Stuff, and we do have some things coming up that we're looking forward to - like the season premier of The Big Bang Theory, and next month my daughter's coming for a visit and we're all going to Betty's Day Spa for massages and a nice long soak and all manner of good things. And before too long the next Hobbit movie will be in theaters. So, Future Yay.
It's just hard to get to Yay right now.
Right now is just deep breathing and keeping level.
*I stopped in plenty of time for that red light. Really I did. Sheesh.